June 21, 2001

Almost three whole months in and I have yet to write a word until now. Part of that was being busy, being tired,being lazy and just not knowing what to write. I guess to start I can compare and contrast to my first combat tour.

To Start I guess the area I'm in is a lot like where I was in Iraq. It's hot. It's hot. And it's hot.Like seriously it's hot as hell here. Iraq most days in the summer would break 130 and 140. This is consistently around 110 to 120 but the humidity is unbelievable.

That's really where the similarities end. Surrounding us on all sides are unbelievable mountains that are begging to be conquered but also promise danger and the possibilities of deadly encounters with the unforeseen. They sit there taunting me, knowing that I may never get my chance to challenge them ... to challenge myself. I long for my chance to take them on and defy the greatness that they hold as they look down upon me. Maybe It's a fools desire but my heart wants my turn to ascend their cliffs and stand atop them. I know the unknown danger they hold and I long to see what I can do against it.

Unfortunately decision makers with much more rank than I have sit in the way of my crazy ambitions. Some them are men that have shown they have very little clue as to how real soldiers desire to fight. We are constantly told what we are going to wear to battle and how it must be worn. 'A soldier must have all of their proper
protective equipment on if they are going to fight. It's how they will stay safe while winning battles.' Really? These fucktards need to stop worrying less about safety in a war zone and more about finding and killing the enemy. We know this is fucking dangerous. We understand their is a possibility of getting hurt. That is why it is called a war isn't it, because there is some danger involved? A soldier must wear his full uniform. Sleeves must be down so that a soldier doesn't get sunburn on his arms (which helps hold in heat and thus increases the soldiers core temperature and helps his dehydrate faster). He must have on his bullet proof vest with front, back and side ballistic plates (okay that armor is important but the side plates seem a little much at times and rub the fuck out of your hip bones). Throw in the 'eye protection' which is a fancy way of saying sunglasses. But they think this
is one of the most important protective equipment which probably means the Veterans Administration is reporting more cases of eye care cases at their hospitals. So they make every soldier suffer by wearing sunglasses off their ballistic approved sheet. The things look retarded, like some NASCAR fan sitting in the bleachers of a race event. They are so hell bent on making us wear the ones from the approved list that it makes me wonder what kind of deal the Army has with the companies on it. The things are even that impressive ... I have smashed them in a door. So much for ballistic approved. And they are great at getting scratched up within a day after you start to wear them. That is great for the vision. Especially the clear ones for night time when they halo the fuck out of any lights you look at making it impossible to see anything. All I do now is carry the fucking things in my pocket and pull them out just for those occasions that one of the intelligent decision makers happen to be nearby. My Oakley Flak
Jacket sunglasses work just as fucking well thank you very much.
Gloves. Gloves. Really? It may be important to have gloves with you as a soldier. I will concede to
that point. But requiring me to wear them at all times when out on mission? Shouldn't that be my own personal
preference? I'm the one who is working with my hands. Let me make the decision on whether or not I'm covering
them up with a piece of equipment that is taking away some of my dexterity that I enjoy when using them. I can't
even access the shit in my own fucking pockets without allotting five extra minutes to open the buttons while
wearing gloves.
Does all this shit make me a 'more effective fighting force?' Does this help me? If you looked at the way
we stumbled around with all this gear on it would remind you of that kid in your neighborhood, while you were
growing up, whose mom spent 30 minutes bundling him up before he went out to play in the snow and when he got out
he could barely move and he just stood around looking miserable.
Dear Army, You are that overbearing mother. We the fighting soldier is the overprotected kid who can
barely move and therefore is miserable as fuck. Especially when you over bundle us in 120 degree heat and cause us
to dehydrate. And really, how the hell are we expected to do anything effectively when you immobilize us with your
bullshit protective gear. We get it. There are risks in war. Anyone who didn't know that going in is a complete
fucking idiot ... much like your decision makers. Please let us be men again and give us more leeway on how we gear
up to fight.

Like any good NCO I had my flip out moment and butted heads with my Platoon Sergeant the other day. I have
a very different leadership style than much of my superiors and that bugs them. I'm sorry! I'm not a fucking
carbon copy of you! Fucking deal with it. I know my job and I know my soldiers and I get results and complete my
missions so back off my fucking leadership style. I think for the most part they think that you have to be a
complete asshole to get through to people and to be tough. I think each soldier individually responds to different
ways you approach them. Therefore you have to know how to deal with each one differently. Every now and then I'll
make sure I do something fearlessly that they might not have done and by my own actions prove myself tough without
having to remind them verbally. When on patrol last week and commanding the first vehicle in our convoy we pulled
up to a market place in our AO that is usually chock full of people and a lot of them appear unsavory. It's a
place we try to avoid stopping at. That day however the road was full of traffic and none of it appeared that it
would move quickly for us. So I hopped out of the truck by myself and started clearing vehicles and people from
our route so we could continue our mission. After walking through about a thousand Afghans in front of some
armored vehicles I jumped back and and my 'Joes' had the same shocked look that much of the Afghans in the market
did. All I did was point and tell my driver "Go!" Later I heard them talking about the incident as if I had just
parted the Red Sea in front of them. To me it was a simple task that I had no second thoughts about. To them it
was a pretty cool sight.
Part of being a good leader is to do things fearlessly. To live fearlessly gives you the ability to live
with less restrictions than the next guy and more confidently and that's the kind of man soldiers want to follow
into combat. Not one who makes combat decisions from behind a desk. You have to take care of them and you have to
legitimately care about their problems no matter how retarded they may seem. If it's important to them you have to
find a way to make it be important to you. You have to know when to talk sternly and when to yell but also when to
talk with compassion. I always hear people say that you don't need to praise someone for just doing their job but
when you live in a stressful environment, away from your family, where everything you know is half a world away
sometimes telling a young soldier they did their job well can make a big difference in their stress level and
confidence. Show them you care and that you fight for them and they will fight well for you and complete the
mission. And that is what the Army is all about.

The Long and Winding Road

The journey through Afghanistan hasn't come easy. For one this is my first post since being here. Access to a computer for anything more than short and basic tasks hasn't come easy. And most of my time after mission is usually spent sleeping or unwinding other ways. But everynow and then I get a chance to write on my own laptop ... hopefully I'll be smart enough to remember to bring them and load them up next time. Usually if it doesn't involve my soldiers or my mission my mind tends to file it back in the 'Not worth a crap' section.

So today's post will be short. And hopefully I'll get more of these soon. But I can tell you that the Pashtun people and the country of Afghanistan are nothing like I expected. It's strange and wonderful and beautiful in it's chaos. And the people are so hospitable and willing to do anything to be good hosts.

So don't believe everything you read about this land .... unless it's from me.